Are you serious? Why? Are you crazy? Are they all yours? Do you know what protection is and why not use it!? Are you going to have anymore?
Just a few of the questions I get asked a little too frequent. Some more often than others. Up until Emmalee was born I always thought that maybe, just maybe, the ones asking the questions were really paying me a compliment somewhere in their questions. I know now that I was just delusional. In the last two years I have been seeing Doctors about my depression. Even after hearing that others in my family suffer with depression as well, as soon as they hear that I have 5 kids under 8 they ALL have told me the same thing. "Well, there you go. That is your problem!" Wait a sec. If this is true why oh why was I not told about this before I had five kids. Oh and where does it say in the scriptures or from any of our prophets that we should have children (seeing how that is something told to us by God through these great men) but only so many other wise you will suffer!
Let me back up just a few years here! After we had Brooke while JayDee was still in school he and I had discussed that it wouldn't be wise to have anymore until he was through or even NEARLY through with school so I went on birth control. Well guess what? Either this stuff that was supposed to work didn't or I was meant to have another child cuz even on birth control I got pregnant with Jayden. We decided that it wasn't that bad and that having Brooke and Jayden 18 months apart was definitely close but we would handle it and we did! Well again here came the birth control and yet here came Cora 15 months after Jayden. At this point should I have turned the blame on the Doctors who prescribed the birth control and yet it didn't work? Well I didn't. In fact I looked at it as God was in control of all and He always knows best and JayDee and I both were okay with the fact that we had three under 3 years. But let me tell you the looks and the questions all started there. So for 5 years I have put up with them and yet not really cuz look at me now! I feel like the worst mom in the world all because I don't have enough patience with the kids and their NEVER ending messes!!
But here I sit wondering how do I get out of the mess I have created!? I love each one of my kids and could NEVER ever say that I could live without one of them. Doesn't that mean that I was meant to have all that I have? Well then how do I get past this feeling of doom?
My family has been given a great chance to get away for the weekend and go hang out with my parents and siblings and their kids and I have been super excited about going until now. Having to see the looks and hear the question today I know that I am a mother that gets judged and can't help but wonder if my family and friends feel the same way. Having the fear of being judged makes all of this so much harder since we are all human doesn't that just happen? I am sure that I will be judged for blogging this. And maybe that is what I need to do more of...voice my feelings or whatever I want without the fear of being judged and HOPEFULLY that courage will run over to everything that I worry about. Who knows!?
Minnie And Me
2 weeks ago
3 comments:
Mon, you were very brave to publish this post! Granted, its hard sometimes to be a patient and loving and grateful mom, but all too often we sweep our depression under the rug and call it "tired mom who needs a break". A tired mom would have skipped blogging to take a nap or a walk or something. You took the opportunity to ask for help. That tells me that there really is something wrong. Please don't stop looking for answers until you get the right one. If you need an advocate, maybe you could talk to your bishop or relief society president about getting some help from LDS Social Services. They can be really helpful and have the added bonus of understanding your spirituality. Good luck! You have my email if you need to talk or vent or whatever. Love you!
Depression is depression no matter the number of children or chaos they come with. Bravo for getting the help that you need. No one, NO ONE, should make you feel bad for having your kids. You are brilliant and are certainly doing the best you can with them and love them. You are the best mom for all of them, indivdually and the group.
It's one of my pet peeves when I get asked stuff like this too because I know I was meant to have a large family. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Plus, it's nobody else's business when or how I use birth control or the number I have.
Our experiences are ours alone. No one else has your life and therefore cannot compare, or judge. Since Heavenly Father designed our lives to be such, only He really knows and loves us as His children.
I hope you're having fun with the families. Large groups can be overwhelming, but oh so much fun. I too hope that you find the answers you need and that work for your wonderful family.
I think mothers today are the most courageous people on earth. My parents had 7 children within 12 years and it got really hard sometimes growing up (much harder I'm sure for my parents than me), but I wouldn't trade it now for the world. I loved President Monson's conference talk where he talked about how the never ending piles of laundry would be gone all too soon. He's right ultimately. I admire your faith!
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